ever thought about not thinking

whenever i feel like posting up.. i sit at my keyboard, at a loss of what to type. mainly because there're so many things on my mind, that if i just pour it out over here, without any historical background for your reference, you the poor reader might not make anything out of it, and trivialising my feelings.

i signed up for a clinical trial today. it pays good money, hopefully i would be accepted into the program after a medical screening come late july. i need the money, and its quite exciting to be taking some form of chemical that's been previously only been tested on mice. yes, my life has become that boring, jaded and filled with ennui, that i find this exciting. whats more disturbing, in my opinion is that i am hoping some complications would arise from this trial.

i might be a little out of whack lately. when im driving alone, sometimes i secretly wished that a drunken driver would swerve and hit my car and then that'll take care of the problems i've been having with the car. like coz its his fault, i could get everything repaired and stick him with the bill.

i'm cooped up at home, and i dont really ahve money to go out. im in a really realy tight spot financially and its driving me insane. going out costs money but if i stay home for another month, i'll explode.

i've had it with pretensious friends. some of them can be really good at times, but the saying really does come true. the more u know a person, the more there is to dislike about him. i've got a friend who likes to.. be in the right. or have a warped sense of righteousness. maybe im not putting in correctly but im really disgusted with the way he's trying to potray himself to others. i wished i wasnt privvy to his inner self. maybe that way, i wouldnt be burdened with this chore of having to put up to his, sometimes, obnoxious persona.

i have another close personal friend whom i recently find very annoying, because this person only likes to talk about one thing and one thing only. and if anything is wrong with his day, it has to be because of that one thing. it gets quite boring u know.

recently my colleagues at work wrote an appraisal for me. im touched and surprised by what some of them had written, and even embarassed for the high regard some of them have of me. all i can say is that it pays to be humble and treat everbody as your friends even if it means putting yourself on a lower plane. or at least make yrself appear to be doing that.

posted by stark @ 2:39 AM