i fucking hate it. i will have to summerise what i have written
basically i've realised i've been doing things in solitude. in fact, im doing things alone by choice. somehow i prefer to go about doing things on my own nowadays. playing scrabble, swimming, going to cafes alone to read a book. i wonder why i am doing so. maybe its a phase. maybe im trying to come to terms with something. but the funny thing is i dont know what i have to come to terms with. and if i dont know what i have to face, i will never face it. i will turn into a recluse. a hermit.
jc's birthday today (happy birthday bro!). it so happened that during the birthday dinner, my ex turned up. she looked just as i remembered her, which was painful to recall, since it was memories of a happier nature. we didnt speak to each other at all. in fact i dont think we've spoken to each other since the last time i tried to patch things up with her but was unsucessful. i would really like to hang out with her again, but i dont think now's a good time. its funny how i still feel pained whenever i recall what happened after our breakup. it's a hurt only felt when you realised you're still actually holding out hope for reunion, but she go does something which she had every right to do so, since you two have already broken up, only that it is painful to find out. cos to you, you've never stopped being with her. its like a sour feeling in the pit of your being whenever you think back to the time you found out she slept with someone after you two broke up. and its worse when she slept with someone whom you've been introduced to before. i cant explain why. i lack to mental fortitude to describe the gamut of emotions running amok inside me. but you can see where i am going. cos to me, i'd like to patch things up, but she had to go do something that well, twists the knife inside of me, to quote a portion of a song by Aerosmith.
posted by stark @ 3:54 AM
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