ever thought about not thinking

I had a kitten for 3 hours.

Today, I owned a kitten for 3 hours. It was a tiny little girl, spotting the latest fashion trend of a cats - a miasma of black and white. My bunch of friends found her literally "sleeping behind the wheel" of a vehicle at Marina Square's carpark. Leaving her there would guarantee that she would be run over by an unsuspecting car, so they brought her to the open field next to the Esplanade, just a stone's throw away from the river.

I wasn't there then, and only met them slightly later to catch Jason Mraz's awesome performace. I expected the acoustic gig to be low key and maybe during the bad spots, downright boring, but Mr. A-Z didn't let me, or the audience for that matter, down. Sure, it got a little slow during the songs that I didn't recognize, but his clever wordplay within the lyrics kept me smiling. Jason's excellent vocals, from the perfectly executed falsettos to the beautiful operatic rendition, were spot on. And when it came to the songs on his second album, of which I was more versed in, I was happily singing and clapping along. Kudos, also, to Mr. Toca Rivera for delivering a fine accompaniment.

After the concert, Kailing and the girls went to check up on the poor kitty. Being a sucker for animals and kittens, I ditched the Rivermaya set, and trailed after them in search of the kitten. Then I saw the her. She's so tiny, measuring from my wrist to the tip of my finger, and so cute. Her eyes were still closed and her paws were a little gritty. Kailing tried to feed her some milk, but she was having none of it. Probably wanted her mother's own. So we sat around, debating what to do with the poor thing. Nobody wanted to adopt her, but leaving her out here would mean she'll probably starve to death. Finally, after holding her for a long time, I decided to take her in for the night, with the intention of bringing her to the SPCA the next morning. We bundled her into a small shoebox, courtesy of Amanda, and went to have grab a bite.

When I finished my supper with the group, the kitten and I took a lift home from Amanda's friend Mel (thanks mel!). During the car ride, the little cat fell asleep in the box. Awww. Before I got out of the car, Mel asked me what would I be naming her. I never thought of it, since the kitten would be with me only for the night, however since she was found during the Mosiac Festival at the Esplanade, then I shall christen her Mosiac.

I went got home and called the SPCA's 24-hour hotline and the guy at the other end advised me that in such cases, they would have no choice but to put the kitten to sleep as its chances of survival is very low.

Hmm.. on one hand, i couldn't find anybody to adopt her, and i most definitely would not be able to look after her as I would be going overseas in 3 month's time. So that meant abandoning her on the streets, or handing her over to the SPCA to be put to sleep.

This is the second time in my life where I was played a decisive role in ending a life.

I figured, putting her to sleep would mean she suffered less, and it's definitely a more humane death as compared to starvation or dying of exposure. Or worse, being tortured to death by sick people.

And so I told the SPCA to go ahead and come collect her.

While waiting for the guys to come, I made some warm milk and found her sleeping soundly in the corner of the shoebox. I picked her up gently, but she still woke up with a start and began mewing incessantly. Mosiac only stopped when I cuddled her near my stomach, probably due to the warmth and security that she felt. (Hey, I'm a big guy.) Just like the previous time she was offered milk, Mosiac didn't want to have any and instead she just clambered around my arms and clung on my shorts and t-shirt.

After exploring most of my shorts and the lower half of my t-shirt, Mosiac yawned a big yawn and snuggled into my cupped hands. She then proceeded to do something that looked to me as if she was sucking her paw! Satisfied after a few contented paw-suckles, Mosiac laid her head down on my fingers and slept. I figured, if she knew what I've just decided for her, I guess this is her way of reassuring me that she forgives. I stroked her small feline form gently, and found that Mosiac was exactly the same kind of sleeper that I was - she's a "twitcher". She would shake her tiny tail occasionally, or her body would have some kinda spasm, but she would still be in deep slumber. (When I sleep, I would twitch my arm or leg. Or even mutter something.) I sat there, outside my door, with Mosiac in my arms and just looked at her while she slept...

Soon thereafter, the SPCA guy came, and I went down with Mosiac. I asked the guy if I could accompany him back to the SPCA and hold Mosiac while she was being put under, but it wasn't convenient for him as he might have to make some other rounds. Sadly, I signed the papers, stroked Mosiac, who was still sleeping peacefully in my hand, and gently tapped her awake. The SPCA provided a little carrying cage where Mosiac would lie in and I wrapped her up with a little navy blue towel. Whispering a soft "goodbye", I gently laid little Mosiac down in the cage. I thanked the SPCA representative and watched as the van pulled out of the carpark.

Good night Mosiac. Please don't blame us for not giving you a chance at life. We all did what we could and decided what's best for you in the long run.

I hope it's warm and sunny over on the other side.

posted by stark @ 1:01 AM