this morning, i found her breathing to be laboured. i somehow knew she didn't have long to live, so i took her from her blankets and held her in my hands. she couldn't breathe very well and it was terrible to watch - i felt like returning her to the cage, but no. i cannot. so instead, i just held her and stroked her back as she gasped for air. i was looking into her eyes and i could tell that she knew she was being held, there was a little fear in her eyes as she fought each breath, but after that came a quiet acceptance and a dignified stare. finally, after half an hour, her eyes told me she was ready to go and she released from her little paws the last tendrils of life.
i've never been so upset over a death of a pet. the death of the previous two hamsters were upsetting but she was my favorite hamster. she never bit anybody and it was always a joy to hold her as she never struggled out of your palm but would just sit in the middle peacefully. she also had a way of telling me that she wanted to go for a walk in the walking ball - she would chew on the iron railings of her cage door. all these tiny little things i took for granted and now that she's gone, i'm much poorer for the loss.
i placed her body into an empty toothpaste carton, and took her up to the park to be buried next to two of her brothers. the soil was easy and i used a metal spoon this time so the grave was pretty deep. i laid her to rest inside and placed a little blue flower on the coffin and used my hands to push the loose soil over her little box.
when i was done, i planted another flower on the top of her grave, stood up and left.
goodnight you.
posted by stark @ 1:46 PM
1 Comments:
my heartfelt sorrow that i could not be there with you.
i remember once when i held her in my hand too and she didn't scramble away. i told your dad that she was cute and he laughed too.
for all that she didn't have a name, she must have been a huge joy to live with.
everything's going to be ok :) *hugs*
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